Today.

Aries (fire): Your horizontal pupils enable you to see through time. Nobody wants to know the future.

Taurus (earth): Gore your way out of that paper bag already. And clean up your mess.

Gemini (air): Everyone knows that you think you're cute--like the little girls in The Shining.

Cancer (water): Maybe people are like teabags, but you should stay away from hot water, Crabby.

Leo (fire): You're too loud. And vain. And would it kill you to get off your butt and help with dinner every once in a while?

Virgo (earth): Sure. Whatever.

Libra (air): Where are you when we need you?

Scorpio (water): There isn't enough poison in the world, is there?

Sagittarius (fire): Your target is behind your head. Try a mirror.

Capricorn (earth): Your horizontal pupils make you look evil. But also, you ARE evil.

Aquarius (air): We all know you couldn't possibly. You just can't with us. We know.

Pisces (water): Bouillabaisse.

This is a fun way to review the changes over time in the distances of the planets from the sun, distances from the earth, brightness and visibility in our galaxy.

https://www.timeanddate.com/astronomy/planets/distance