There's value in concepts like tone policing and phrases like "not my job to explain it to you" but they also establish a norm on the left that it's wrong to want people to speak to you kindly or to ask questions.
Sometimes people are so angry about injustices they're experiencing that they can't speak kindly. Sometimes they're so tired they can't explain.
That's ok. We don't need to demand perfection. Of them鈥攐r of the person who wants to be treated with kindness & allowed to ask questions.